The Top 5 Worst Ways to Market Your Business

Marketing has a bad name and these five fools are why. I’ve assembled the worst offenders in the marketing industry as a cautionary tale of what happens when marketers go too far. Here are the top 5 worst ways to market your business.

1. Guilt tripping

Meet Guy the Guilt Tripper. He tries to guilt you into buying his program by saying, “If you really cared about your business, you’d invest in my high level mastermind!” Guy will straight up tell you to re-finance your house or sell a kidney to purchase something you can’t afford.

Don’t be that Guy.

2. Misleading

Meet Brad the Braggy Bro. Brad tells you how he hit rock bottom, was alone in the world, and had zero dollars in his bank account…until he discovered the 7 Secrets to 7 Figure Success in 7 Minutes. Now he’s living in a mansion and has a different Lamborghini for each mood. (And he only works for 4 minutes a week!) Self-described funnel hacker, growth emperor, and scale king, Brad is the author of “Hustle Your Balls Off” and the man behind the Suck My Hustle movement.

Go home, Brad. You’re sleazy.

3. Copying

Meet Carie the Copycat. Carie loves Marie Forleo’s brand so much, she paid a designer to rip off her website. (And the copywriting looks eerily similar, too.) Carie thinks the best way to achieve the success of people she looks up to is to steal their ideas. But, just like any cheap knockoff, her stuff falls apart when you buy it.

Sorry, Carie. We’re onto you.

4. Using cliches

Meet Gigi the Girlypreneur. Gigi is a #ladyboss with a big ol’ glass of wine, a host of flat lays, and a feed full of inspirational quotes laid atop pictures of sunsets. Gigi’s problem isn’t that she’s a proud woman in business, but that she’s covered her brand in so many cliches, we don’t know what the heck she does or what problem she solves.

No more rosé, Gigi. You’re cut off.

5. Culturally appropriating

Meet Cassandra the Cultural Appropriator. Cassandra has traveled the world, shopping for “quaint” cultural traditions she can re-package at a premium for her “tribe” of “spiritual gangstas” (i.e. depressed middle class white women). Cassandra feels entitled to “borrow” rituals and clothing from other cultures because she spent a week volunteering in India.

Cassandra, you’re why Trump got elected.

See more biz no-nos on my show, Awkward Marketing.

Rachael Kay Albers

Rachael Kay Albers is a creative director, business comedian, and brand strategist gone wild. She writes and performs about branding, pop culture, tech, and identity. When she’s not muckraking about marketing, Rachael runs RKA ink, a reinvention studio and branding agency for businesses that burn the rulebook. She's also on Instagram a lot.